managing
lesson 18:
friendship friction formula
Lesson Summary
In this lesson, students learn how to deal with the friction they may experience in their friendships. . Students will be introduced to the Friendship Friction Formula and will practise applying it through short role-plays. The focus is on building confidence to use “I feel” statements, listening respectfully, and choosing calm, kind responses when problems arise. By the end of the lesson, students should feel more equipped to handle small friendship conflicts and understand that how they respond can strengthen their friendships.
Purpose
Purpose: This lesson helps students develop the skills and confidence to handle friendship friction in a calm, respectful, and constructive way. Students build emotional awareness, communication skills, and strategies that support healthy, resilient friendships.
Process
Time Needed: 30 - 35 minutes.
Activity: Friction or Fine? (5 mins)
Intro: (2 mins)
Activity: Friendship Friction Formula (10-15 mins)
Activity: Role Play (10 mins)
Debrief and Reflection (5 mins)
Materials & downloads
For this lesson, you will need the following:
Optional: Student workbook/notebook.
Activity: Friction or Fine? (5 mins)
How it works:
Students stand up.
Teacher to read out short friendship situations.
Students either put their Thumbs up for “Fine” or Thumbs down for “Friction”
Examples:
A friend borrows a pencil and returns it
Your friend keeps interrupting you
A friend forgets to include you once
A friend keeps bringing up a mistake you already apologised for
Your friend laughs when you make a mistake
Your friend needs quiet time and tells you politely
A friend accidentally bumps into you and says sorry
A friend shares a secret you asked them to keep
Debrief:
In that activity, we understand that not everything that happens in our friendships is a problem. Friction is when something doesn’t feel right in a friendship. We are going to explore how we can deal with friction in our friendships!
intro (2 mins)
Start by asking students the question: “What is Friction?”
Ask students to rub their hands together quickly and ask, "What do you feel?" (Expected answer: Heat, warmth, sometimes stinging). Explain that friction is the heat created when two things rub against each other.
Teacher Script: "Friendships are similar! When two friends disagree, annoy each other, or argue, we create Friendship Friction. It’s the uncomfortable feeling we have when we argue, disagree or fall out."
It is impossible to have a friendship without friction. It's totally normal! But if we ignore the friction, the friendship can suffer. We need a way to deal with it that is fair and kind for both people.
Activity: Friendship Friction Formula (10 mins)
The best way to deal with friendship friction is to follow the friendship friction formula! Let’s break it down together:
Step 1: Face The Issue
Teacher Explanation: "When friction happens, the first thing is to Face The Issue. This means acknowledging the issue, even if it feels uncomfortable. We don't hide or pretend it didn't happen, and we definitely don't gossip." We have to talk to the friend we are having an issue with one on one, this means not in front of other friends or the class. Share with students it is of course okay for the student to discuss the situation with a trusted adult.
You also can't solve the friendship issue if you talk or gossip about it to everyone (other friends, other students in your class) except the friend who is upset. Gossiping or talking badly about the other person is likely to make the situation worse.
Share some sentences students can use to start the conversation:
I want to talk to you about what happened at lunch yesterday. Can we talk about it privately?
Hey, I’m feeling confused about what happened at break. Can we talk about it? Remind students that it is okay to talk to a trusted adult about it beforehand.
Step 2: Talk It Out
Teacher Script: “This is the most important step! We need to talk, but we need to talk kindly.
When talking about the issue, it is important to stick to the facts of what has happened.
The best way to talk without blaming is to use the 'I Felt...' strategy." This is where we say how we feel and when we feel that way.
I felt…. When….”
Share the following so students understand what blaming the other person sounds like: "You always steal my ball at recess!" (Creates more friction)
Then share using the “I felt” strategy: "I felt frustrated and left out when I didn’t get a turn with the ball." (Focuses on feelings, not blame).
The person listening must be a good listener! This means you don’t interrupt the person when they are speaking. Listen to understand, not just to talk next. Try to use empathy to understand how the other person feels. Even if you disagree with what is being said, you don’t tell a person that they are wrong for how they feel.
Step 3: Forgive and Move On
Teacher Script: "Once you have faced the issue and talked it out, the final step is to Forgive and Move On.
You may need to apologise for your words or actions, or accept the apology of your friend for their words or actions.
This means you must forgive your friend and trust that they will try to do better. If you say you forgive them, you can’t bring up the same old friction again next week! You agree to let the issue go completely. You can’t forgive and still hold onto the anger or emotions you felt.”
Activity: Friendship Friction Formula - Practice (5-10 mins)
Instructions
Explain to students that they are going to practice using the friction formula. They are not acting out real problems. That also means students are not using real names, situations, or teasing the other person.
Put students into pairs and then ask them to decide who is person A and who is person B.
The teacher models a short example with a confident student or by acting out both parts.
Student A: “I felt left out when you didn’t sit with me at lunch yesterday.”
Student B: “I didn’t realise you felt left out when I sat with Sam.
Student A: “Thanks for listening to how I felt.”
Student B: “I’m sorry for not including you. Let’s move on and sit together tomorrow.”
Student A: “Thanks for apologising, I forgive you”
After modelling, briefly discuss with the students what they saw in the example (calm voices, “I feel” statements, listening to the other person).
Once the discussion is complete, give everyone who is Person A an example scenario:
You said something without thinking and hurt your friend’s feelings.
Your friend keeps interrupting you when you are talking.
Your friend doesn’t want to play the same game anymore.
Give students 2-3 minutes to practice a short role-play, where both Student A and Student B practice responding to each other.
Student A starts the conversation by sharing the problem (the example scenario they are given)
Person B listens and responds respectfully
2. Students then switch roles so both can practice the different parts of the formula.
If needed, write the following sentence starters on the board for students to refer to:
“I felt upset when…”
“I didn’t mean to…”
“Thanks for telling me.”
“I’m sorry for… “
“Let’s move on.”
Debrief:
Sometimes it can feel scary or uncomfortable to have a difficult conversation with a friend. Practising “I feel” statements helps you to explain your feelings calmly without blaming or hurting others. Having the courage to talk about difficult things can stop small problems from growing into bigger ones and helps our friendships feel safe and respectful. This can help build trust with others and teaches us that problems can be solved together.
Lesson Debrief:
Friendship friction is a normal part of having friends and it doesn’t mean a friendship is broken or over. Small problems can grow if we ignore them, but they can often be fixed when we handle them calmly and respectfully. The friendship friction formula is a simple way to deal with friendship problems: face the issue, talk it out, forgive and move on.
The most important learning is that how we respond to problems in our friendships matters more than the problem itself. When we show kindness and follow the steps, we protect our friendships and our feelings.
